Welcome to the Tundra. Thanks to the weather, Kim and I spent another two days in Madison this weekend. :)
As someone who is fighting brain cancer, I believe the worst thing that I can do is have a bunch of idle time....cause I tend to Think TOO DAMN MUCH. But as Kim and I realized this weekend, there are just times that it hits both of us. Kim and I have coined it "when things get real". Those are the days that you wake up and go "Oh Shit...I have brain cancer...now what". Well I found out this weekend, that both Kim and I share those same feelings on and off depending on the day. With the snow and ice keeping us pretty well in our hotel room, we found ourselves with just a bit too much idle time. That idle time led to us thinking too damn much and letting stuff catch up with both of us. The blessing was that we were able to spend time together while we both were going through the tough feelings and it helped to be able to talk it out...for both of us! We know about a dozen types of support groups that are out there that we are sure that can help, but we are finding that the best therapy is talking to each other. So, we each had a good "mini meltdown" and talked it out and made it through!
In the interest of science and this blog... ;) I will try and describe where a "mini-meltdown" comes from. I figure if I can describe it then maybe I will have a little more control over them. They start with old faithful..."Oh Shit, I have brain cancer now what". Then they start rolling to mathematics...life expectancy for people with my type of tumor to the financial planning that I have done for my family, to my business and business partner and the challenges we face with me unable to be 100%. Have I prepared us? Will Kim or my biz be in trouble with me gone? Luckily, I am comfortable on both parts that both will be ok. However, then there is the interim... The Docs won't let me drive, which precludes me from working. Without working, I think too damn much and I risk letting my business partner down. THAT'S IT!!
It simply comes down to my #1 Fear....Letting people down. That is one of my motivators...I don't want to let anyone down from Kim to Jeff to my Family and Friends. So the definition of a mini meltdown is letting all that boil in my head for an hour and then crying my eyes out...then, look myself in the Mirror and say "DAMN YOU TALBOTT, QUIT FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF, GET UP WASH YOUR FACE AND GO OUT THERE AND FIGHT THIS THING... (Ever wonder why I have never been an athletic coach? There's no crying in Football...or Swimming, or Ping Pong....)
So, the weekend was rough, not from a physical standpoint, but from a mental standpoint. Once again, luckily I was with Kim who went through it with me and we both came out stronger.
Thank you for letting me talk this out with all of you. Therapy is now over! :)
As Always for Miss Ava - PEACE OUT!
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3 comments:
I was down in Phoenix one week and went with my parents to my mom's cancer support group. Most of the attendees had a friend and/or family member with them. One lovely woman was very composed as she shared her day...she had what she described as a meltdown while walking the 1/2 block to her community mailboxes. She said she just sat down on the curb and bawled. Then, she told us, she picked herself up, dusted off her shorts, and continued to fetch the mail, feeling, she said, much better for having released those feelings.
Her daughter then said to her mom "I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you!" And her mom said, in a very matter-of-fact voice, "oh, don't worry dear, I'm sure i'll do it again". And the whole group laughed...because they could all relate!! Sharing and getting those feelings out is so much better than keeping them in! And tears....a great stress reliever.
And on the upside...you were inside, so nothing froze to your cheeks. :-D
Cheering you on from chilly Rockford & Dixon IL!!!
Steve...
It is the f***ing snow that is doing this to you. Snow = The devil.
Trust me. Think spring baby. Think fairways and bunkers...think friends...We're here for you.
I'll get your mail!
:-)
Love you man!
Mark
Steve
Allow yourself this at least as many times as you need to!!!! YOU are strong, very, very strong and allowing yourself this is part of your strength!!!!
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